Sometimes i am so afraid of having a boyfriend, not because i think that being single is a treasure but because of whatever unhappiness we'd have to go through in a relationship. What if the person you thought was meant for you, turned out to be just another infatuation? What if he or she isnt happy with who you really are although he or she continues to give you his or her best? Would you think you werent doing enough? Would you think you werent doing your best as a girlfriend or boyfriend?

What has gone into me? I tried to be okay and i tried to be how i am when im happy. But i only felt more rejected by you. I guess you were somehow or rather affected by my words, and for that i cant blame you. I tried to make things better by being myself, talking and laughing. Looking at you, just like how i always do but still i felt like i wasnt wanted.

It is hard to be my boyfriend isnt it? I know.. I dont understand why either..

Im sorry if i seemingly turned cold tonight. I promised to love you no matter who you are or what you do, so i cannot judge. Nothing that you do would change who you really are and thats why i love you. Id support you in any way but please do not give up on yourself. Smoking for example. When you tell you wanna quit, go all out to do so.. If you cant do it, do let me know..

Today is so not my day.
Havent been feeling well these few days. Caused by the haze i guess. 2 more weeks till exams and assignments are due and this is happening to me. Why couldnt it happen earlier? Heh. Thanks to Trav who has been buying and feeding me that not so nasty Nin Jiom cough syrup, (It kinda taste like honey.. HAha!) cooking my lunch and forcing me to gulp down glasses of water. Haha.. :D Thank you sweetie.. Kindness appreciated..

My dream right now other than getting married to my ultimate soulmate (you guys know who it is.. Heh) is to use my voice, as a tool to hopefully make people go "Wow!". Heh.. It is to let others appreciate the unique and different tone that my voice has in my singing. Just like The Yeah Yeah Yeahs (theyre like my role models now), Karen O's voice is so unique and different from other singers, yet it is appealing and appropriate for the genre. Listenin to them is like taking a step further to being a great singer.

And it's the same for being a drummer. Although i dont really have a drummer for a role model (i might consider Travis Barker), i guess it's how much you listen rather then how much you practice coz eventually, youd be getting bits of ideas from other drummers, not just yourself. Like my arranging lecturer (although im hardly ever in class) says, "Nobody is original. Ideas are often copied". That is like so true..

Oh well.. its not time for me to slack and laze around anymore. There's so much to do and im not starting anything.. Sheekss..
I miss my childhood. I miss the frequent trips to my cuzzie's house when i was in primary school. I miss the sleepovers we'd always have, either playing badminton or riding our bikes in the afternoon. I miss those late nights, and i miss the video games.

As we get older, we tend to get busier and busier. We're so engrossed with our own personal life that our personal relationships with others drift so far apart. Where's the times we used to have and share?

People change physically. Sometimes people change in the things they do. But theyre still the same person in the inside! How long has it been since we've seen each other? Or have a long talk under the blankets? I have no idea when..
Went jamming at Beat Merchants today. Nope, not with Doll Trash but some other band that WS got together. A few weeks ago, i approached him to set up another band so that i could do vocals. So he got together a few of his friends, including a really good bassist. (OMG, he can really play bass!) Anyway, all was well. The band played great, except for a few flip flops here and there. I was quite surprised at what my voice could do, especially the gore part. Man!! I sang gore for the first ever time!

Sadly, i felt a little left out and even tho everyone could play really well, there wasnt a single chemistry within each of us. I guess, itll be a little hard for me to finally stand in the front instead of always being at the back behind the drumset. Furthermore, i didnt really like the fact that pple judge me thru what they see. As in, "Oh! Eva's smoking a ciggie. She's a bad bad notti girl.." Nobody said anything after jamming(except when i smsed to ask), so i assumed that i sucked and that made me feel low for the rest of the night.

Maybe, it's better that i stick at the back of the drumset instead of in fronta the mic stand. Sorry WS,, it wouldnt work.

I love singing. But i never knew itll be this pressurizing.. Urghh.. :(
Omiegawd! :D Im so glad life is going fine for me, except for the fact that my parents are from a totally different universe from me. Anyways, I still do not understand why that longing for you is so GREAT! I mean, its a really positive thing. In fact, it's growing so much day by day that i dont even mind not understanding.. Heh!

Youre the only person who in my entire life, treasure and doesnt take things for granted. Sometimes im so afraid that loving you too much would be a bad thing. What if i ever lose you? It's gonna be so painful and i dont think i might be able to take it. Or what if i go too far? I'd be too possessive over you and our relationship might turn into an unhealthy one. Nevertheless, youre my heartbeat and you keep me going. Im happy with you now and i hope itll stay this way forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and... Yea.. EVER!

Singing. I just love singing.. Thanks Trav for the motivation! :D Ive been learning so much from my baby. Not that he teaches me how to sing but, he sorta shared his influences with me. Now im so determined to sing like PJ Harvey or Karen O.. Wow.. Such amazing vocals.. I juz cannot do classical vocals.. Eeks.. Still wondering how im gonna pass my technical exam for mainstudy this semester.. I love all those female vocalist with a little roughness in their voice, (Juz like PJ and Karen O!) coz its so unique and rockstar-ish.. Haha! :D You dont even need technique for that.. Heh.. Screw main study man!!

Ok, gtg sleep soon.. Grrr..

Sometimes i am so afraid of having a boyfriend, not because i think that being single is a treasure but because of whatever unhappiness we'd have to go through in a relationship. What if the person you thought was meant for you, turned out to be just another infatuation? What if he or she isnt happy with who you really are although he or she continues to give you his or her best? Would you think you werent doing enough? Would you think you werent doing your best as a girlfriend or boyfriend?

What has gone into me? I tried to be okay and i tried to be how i am when im happy. But i only felt more rejected by you. I guess you were somehow or rather affected by my words, and for that i cant blame you. I tried to make things better by being myself, talking and laughing. Looking at you, just like how i always do but still i felt like i wasnt wanted.

It is hard to be my boyfriend isnt it? I know.. I dont understand why either..

Im sorry if i seemingly turned cold tonight. I promised to love you no matter who you are or what you do, so i cannot judge. Nothing that you do would change who you really are and thats why i love you. Id support you in any way but please do not give up on yourself. Smoking for example. When you tell you wanna quit, go all out to do so.. If you cant do it, do let me know..

Today is so not my day.